Jinxed

The dictionary defines Jinxed as: bring bad luck to; cast an evil spell on.

Yes, there are plenty of Jinxed folk out there. I don’t mean that superstitiously. There is nothing paranormal about these folks. They are mundane and ordinary as you are.

Don’t destroy yourself by allowing negative people add gibberish and debris to your character, reputation, and aspirations. Keep all dreams alive but discreet, so that those with unhealthy tongues won’t have any other option than to infest themselves with their own diseases.

~Michael Bassey Johnson

Unfortunately for you, they don’t wear horns on their head nor sport loud clothing for easy identification. They look human, they talk human and walk human- they even laugh human, dammit! You know what they say about ducks, right? Ducks and humans are identical in that sense.

How, then, is one to identify these Jinxed beings?

I have the process down pat. I’ve already applied for a copyright on the process but while it comes through, I don’t mind giving it away to you for free. One day (soon) people will need to sell off their house to pay for the honor of being privy to the secret but that’s their problem. To you, as I said, I offer it free.

Make a list of all the people you interact with. A good rule is to bung everyone in. I mean, everyone whose name/ face/ dog/ cat/ donkey you are familiar with. That would include pretty much everyone with a body temperature of around 98.4 degree F. Yes, it will make your list the size of a house but that’s alright. You only have to do this once so don’t stint on this step.

Toxic people will pollute everything around them. Don’t hesitate. Fumigate.

~ Mandy Hale

Once you’ve got the list, recall the interaction you’ve had with this homosapien in the past. On the basis of that interaction, categorize them. Yes, you’ll have to rewrite the whole list again, but that’s alright. You only need to do it once and you aren’t frightfully busy anyhow, are you sunshine?

Now for the categorization criterion. Listen up closely because this is complicated. This is what the copyright is for, incidentally. Categorize people depending on how soon their negativity begins to affect you. Remember Dementors who sucked out people’s happiness by their very presence? These Jinxed folk are the dementors on your list.

They whine constantly as if they were being paid for it. They haven’t a good word to say about a person, place, animal or thing. They seemed to have been raised on the tartest vinegar instead of mother’s milk. Listening to them is more painful (you are sure) than a molten lava shower.

You might have 10minute people who suck out all your happiness in 10 minutes, or you may have 2 hour people who do the job in 2 hours. I am sure you get the drift.

Once you’ve categorized everyone thus, rewrite each list on a separate 3×5 index card. Use multiple cards if you need to but please clip them up together.

Now make a rule to get away from these folks before they manage to suck out your happiness. If it is 10 minute person, get away from them within 8 minutes- while you still have some steam left in you to sprint. In case of a 2hour person, you may relax and get to your bunioned and calloused feet in around and hour and a half and amble away- after bopping them genially on the head with a handy chair. You don’t want them dragging along, hanging to you like a limpet, do you?

7 things negative people will do to you. They will…
1. Demean your value;
2. Destroy your image
3. Drive you crazy!
4. Dispose your dreams!
5. Discredit your imagination!
6. Deframe your abilities and
7. Disbelieve your opinions!
Stay away from negative people!

~ Israelmore Ayivor

That completes the process except for the most vital thing. I shall squash the urge to tell you that the last, most vital step will be revealed only after you remit a six figure non- tax- deductible donation to my bank account. No, it wasn’t easy. The effort has left me pale and trembling, but what do you care?

The last step, therefore, is: Eternal Vigilance!

Don’t become careless and keep hanging around a Jinxed humanoid. It would surely be the last mistake you will make. What will be left of you after one of these dementors have had their way with you will not be enough to justify the trouble (and cost) of burying/ cremating you. The only thing you’ll be good for is to wave a languid hand in farewell to your poor North Star as you gasp out your last breath.

The Jinxed will then dance over your remains with hob- nailed boots, drinking and making merry while they hunt up a new victim.

It’ll serve you jolly well right!

You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.

~ Joel Osteen